yellowdaisies

Stand Up

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 09:36:02 -0400

I used to be a coward when it came to standing up to bullies. I would run the other way and become so sick to my stomach with fear and anxiety. Somehow this changed. Maybe it’s been motherhood, dealing with bad co-parenting situations with his ex or maybe I’ve just dealt with enough bullies and can’t take it anymore.

No one should have to deal with people who manipulate, guilt and intimidate to get their way. People who do this have a sickness. They need prayers. They need help. They also need someone to stand up and tell them to stop.

I’ve had a recent situation where I did exactly that. It began with a mere misunderstanding. Then the text messaging started. One accusatory, attempted guilt causing text message after another delivered to my husbands phone. Unwilling to talk it out like a rational adult, she continued to flood our home with one abusive message after another. Finally it was time to stop her and regain balance in our home. So I spoke up.

This wasn’t the first time I stood up to her. Of course she didn’t like it one but. She took the matter up with my husband rather than taking it up with me. She probably walked away feeling victorious. She probably thinks my hubby will keep me in check next time.

I will pray for her. I will pray God helps her deal with the unhealthy co-parenting habits she has learned to rely on. I will also continue to stand up to her. I will protect our home and our family. She is not allowed to bully us or drag our family into her toxicity.

Sweet 16

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 18:58:37 -0400

This morning I had my weekly weigh in. I managed to shed those two extra pounds this week. There have been a few days where my diet wasn’t ideal, so I’ll take it! I was a little frustrated two hours later after my shower when the scale added three pounds. I’m still claiming the first reading. This week I am going to drink more water and increase my physical activity. Do I have a legal 18 coming my way next weekend? Yes I do!

Our Loss

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 11:12:48 -0400

Staring down at the scale I felt an incredible sense of loss. That is “loss” in a good way. It’s amazing how powerful one number can be. It can make your morning or break it, leaving you discouraged and disgusted with yourself. This morning my number left me feeling encouraged and hopeful. Reaching a total loss of 14lbs in two weeks is a pretty good feat. Next week I hope to be at a total of 16lbs. Losing never felt so good!

Fragile Life

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 22:32:09 -0400

We often forget just exactly how fragile life is. God gives us no promises of tomorrow. Yet, we go on about our daily lives as if we are invincible. We make choices that we shouldn’t and live our lives carelessly. Perhaps this is, in a way, God’s gift to us. That we can enjoy life on this earth without thought of our eventual demise. Of course, to God our physical end is not a demise at all. It is a mere beginning to our eternal life with Him. Though, however you slice it, death means goodbye to this world and all we have ever known. It means goodbye to our loved ones, as we have known them.

I’ve thought about what it will be like when either myself or my husband leaves this world. Whichever of us is left behind will go through great pain. We will have held the love of our life for the last time. Kissed for the last time. Had coffee together, snuggled together, saw a sunset together for the last time. I’m not anywhere ready to deal with that.

Although, this past weekend, for a few long moments, I thought I was going to have to. Fear struck every fiber of my body as I watched my husband tumble to the ground. This man, who has always been MY rock…. Who was unsinkable in my eyes was suddenly fragile. We had been watching a jousting tournament at the Renaissance Festival. It was humid and rainy. Fifteen minutes into the show he mentioned to me he wasn’t feeling well. A few minutes later he was falling to the ground. The look in his eyes still haunts me. He was disoriented and in shock over what had just happened. I leaned down to help him up and began yelling for help. As others came to our rescue I dropped back feeling helpless and scared that I was going to have to leave that festival without him. When the medics arrived he had began to converse with them and others around him. Although hearing his voice was a comfort to me, I was still very shaken up and uncertain about what might lie ahead.

Choices brought us to that place of fear and uncertainty. We fell into the trap of feeling as though heart attacks, strokes, embolisms or any other life threatening circumstances could never happen to us. We failed to heed the warnings of poor diet choices and poor lifestyle choices. We somehow ignored the weight gain, rise in blood pressure, cholesterol and general feelings of unhealthiness. Those choices which ruled our lives for so long needed to change.

I feel confident that my husband is still in fairly good health and I don’t worry about him leaving me anytime soon. But I want so many more good years with him. I love him more than any food, comfy couch, or television show. From now on, I choose him. I choose life with him.

Labor Day

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 23:12:39 -0400

Today began with sharing the wisdom and live of our awesome God with about 25 kids :). Then we spent the rest of the day with family.

I love my family so very much! Today B was cold. I love is when he snuggles up with me to find a blanket of warmth :). Today at church I talked with another mom who is having big problems with her son saying mean, hurtful things to her. I thank the Lord that we do not have those troubles with our boys. They seem to understand the importance of treating each other with love. We really put emphasis on that with our family. We all deserve to be treated with love and respect. I hope this is one thing they will carry with them to their other house and beyond their childhood years. I love watching them grow into young men, but I also kind of wish they could stay children for a while longer. I want to remember them this way. Sweet, innocent, caring and a strong compassion for people around them. My prayer is that they are able to grow into selfless men who love the Lord, love their families and constantly look for ways to show other the love of our Savior. Selfless, passionate, with a strong sense of servant hood.

As for my diet,
I really did not have any cravings today. I proteined up for breakfast, had a snack of fruit and nuts, a lunch of protein and fruit, then dinner of protein and veggies. I did snack on fruit while others were having their dessert, but I had NO urges to go grab a piece of brownie for myself. Self control is finally within my capabilities :)

Day Six

Sat, 01 Sep 2012 23:45:18 -0400

This week has NOT been easy. I have had nausea, intestinal issues and tiredness. This weekend I decided to go a little more lax with the diet, but not too much. I felt nausea again today with the zucchini. Not sure what is up with that.

I have lost 12 lbs which puts me under my danger zone. I need to keep going with the small meals and veggies/ fruit.

One more week until phase 2!

Day One

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:11:17 -0400

This is day one of my PCOS cleanse. I will go for 14 days then add some whole grain and more meat into my diet. The cleanse will help me to free my body from toxins, sugars and hormones from meats.

I started this cleanse because I have been feeling tired, cloudy minded and swollen. My hope is to give myself a good foundation to maintain a healthier eating style and eventually get back to good health. It’s not so much about losing weight for me this time. I want to feel healthy and have energy to accomplish much more in life that I am currently.

Right now, on day one, I feel lousy. The intestinal issues have already started. And I realize that I will need to help my stomach out by chopping some of my veggies into smaller pieces.

I am hoping I will feel better by days three and four. After day fourteen, I will begin my next phase… Physical activity. I’ll start by walking 20 min a night. Then I will build myself up to 30 minutes.

It will be a journey … One that I hope will result in a much healthier self :)

Family

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 20:59:57 -0400

Family and friends are very important to me. I believe God places us in the lives of others for a reason. We often question how others fit into our lives and how they affect us. What about the other way around? How can we positively affect the lives of those around us? What might seem like a troubled relationship could really be an opportunity to make a difference for someone else. Many times it might be hard to see the difference we are making. I believe that every relationship is a gift. And not all gifts make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. It isn’t always about us and how we feel. Sometimes it is more about what we learn about ourselves and how we make others feel.

Chatty Bedtime in my Head...

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 01:27:01 -0400

I can’t breath out of the left side of my nose. Laying down makes it worse. Plus it is hot in our room, so I am sleeping downstairs in the recliner.

I’m sleepy and restless. Lately a full night’s rest is rare and should be treasured like rubies. Someday I’ll sleep well again… Maybe.

I miss my boys already :(. It will be odd waking up without them here. It usually is on Monday mornings. I hope they get plenty of rest and feel better tomorrow.

I have goals this week. Big ones. Laundry, homework, housework, gardening, researching pool rashes are all on my list. I need to be productive tomorrow. I need to exercise too and drink tons of water.

We go on vacation in three weeks. I need to feel healthy by then. So, I am committing myself to drink only water (and lots of it), eat no sugar or bread, eat lots of veggies, and exercise daily. In three weeks I should feel better and able to enjoy our trip.

Summer is half over and that makes me sad. Somewhere inside of me is a housewife that is aching to do all kinds of domesticated things every day. Another side of me looks forward to going back to work and hiring a cleaning lady. I also long for cooler, crisper air. The mountains sound nice.

I want to plan an extra fun week for when the boys come over next. Sleep over with their cousin, play date with friends, cool craft projects are all in the works. Maybe we will do a mentos and diet coke experiment. I’ll have to see if Walmart or Krogers is having a sale :)

I worry about our oldest getting saved. Will it ever happen? My heart breaks to think of an eternity without him. It breaks even more to think if him spending an eternity in hell.

I feel hungry, but it is too late to eat. I must sleep or I won’t be productive tomorrow.

Goodnight… I hope :)

Tween

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 00:16:03 -0400

I do believe that my son has entered the tween portion of his life. Praying that God grants us the wisdom and patience we will need to help him grow into a strong, Godly young man.

Missed and Loved

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 10:38:06 -0400

I am missing our children. I know soon they will be back home with us. Then we can detox from their week away. I hope N is remembering to be nice to his brother and think about what he does before hand. I hope they are finding some time to practice their multiplication facts. It might not be the most fun thing to do, but it is something they need to learn for school. I want to help them to be successful the best I can because I love them. I wish I could protect them when they are not with us. I wish I could protect them from crappy adults. In my years of teaching and ministry, there have been many kids I wished I could protect from adults who make bad choices about patenting. But I can’t. The best I can do is pray they survive it somehow and can become adults capable of healthy relationships. Sunday I will give them hugs and tell them I love them just the way God made them. Just the way they are. This includes their faults. Every single one of them. My job as a parent is to teach them how to live lives for Jesus. A life without judgement, a life full of grace and a life of serving others over theirselves. We are so blessed God has given us this children! Love them so very much!!!

Truth

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 21:52:23 -0400

Honesty, truth, sincere words. I’m finished with hiding me.

The Hope is here...

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 20:29:27 -0400

This earth is full of clutter. Some might call it diversity while others define it as confusion. It can be a defining moment when you stop to consider that other people do not share your beliefs and values. Everyone has their reasons for believing what they do. Still, in this dichotomy of perspectives we all search for hope. Our hearts depend on hope when planning for tomorrow. We hope one day our world will be a better place. We hope our lives can be healthier and longer. We hope our lives will mean something to someone. We hope for happiness. All too often, our quest for hope leaves us feeling empty. What if it didn’t? What if our thirst for hope was quenched for eternity? Jesus is the BEST hope! With Jesus there is always hope for tomorrow, even from the grave. It is a hope that no one can take from us.

A wise King David penned these powerful words in Psalms. “But now, Lord, what do I wait for? All my hope is in you. (Ps 39:7)”

Expect...

Sun, 20 May 2012 17:54:44 -0400

What are expectations? In public school districts, the expectation can be found in curriculum. In a classroom, the expectations are communicated by the teacher verbally and nonverbally. Students may have expectations of what they will gain from their own school experience. Parents have expectations for their children. They might expect certain behavior at the dinner table or in public. Their expectation might be that their children do not conform to expectations. In which the child tries to conform to the parents expectation of nonconformity. It is complicated.

I believe that expectations have their place. I expect my children to find things they are passionate about and work hard at achieving in those areas, even when they aren’t so excited about the immediate tasks they need to do to get there. I expect them to THINK critically about what they are learning and how they can use that information in real life. I expect that they ask questions… many good questions… and learn from their failures.

I am sure my children have expectations of me just as I do them. They probably expect me to take care of the needs they cannot take care of themselves. They expect me to know the answers and are amazed when I do not have them. Most importantly, they expect me to accept them for who they are and never say words which are hurtful and rejecting to them. They expect to be loved.

Love- wise words from our foster class.

Tue, 15 May 2012 19:35:15 -0400

Love don’t come in colors… Love is just love :)

My Mom

Sun, 13 May 2012 20:44:12 -0400

I am on my way to see my mom for mother’s day. I am so blessed to have one of the best moms. She is very motherly, always worrying about us kids. Sometimes it drives us nuts, but I think that is pretty normal. It is quite common for mom to buy something for us just because. She is thoughtful like that. Momma always puts other people’s needs and wants ahead of her own. I really admire her for that. I hope that I can be at least half of the mom she has been (and continues to be) to me. Happy Mother’s Day, Momma! I love you now and always!

I love his heart! B is so caring and tender. Today he held the...

Sat, 12 May 2012 00:06:05 -0400

I love his heart! B is so caring and tender. Today he held the door open for a bunch of people. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I am being helpful because it is what I want to do.”

At dinner he got a very special treat, an endless cup of freckled lemonade. He downed his first cup but savored the next. I love the look on his face when took his first sip. It was one of surprise and adoration. B REALLY knows how to love life. This is the thing I admire the most about him.

Every day I spend with this amazing kid, I feel blessed. I am so blessed God has allowed me to be a mom to him. He might be changing and growing up, but whether he is 8, 10, 16, or 25… He will always be my little B.

Taking Shape

Thu, 10 May 2012 19:54:40 -0400

This is what I want to do in my life right now. I want to take shape with my health, weight, house, spiritual health… My life is always going to be busy. I am not ever going to feel up to cleaning or exercising. I will always be tired. So, I need to just do it. I pray that the Lord will give me strength to get cracking when I get home from dinner. Doggie washed, cage cleaned, laundry started, dishes done, spot bot put in motion… A different night I will work in a spin on the treadmill. I am going to do this! I will not sit on my bum! I will push myself, even if I am tired! I will! I will! I will!

Life

Sun, 06 May 2012 22:26:14 -0400

91 years seems so long. In all of eternity, it is just a blink of an eye. Praying our sweet pawpaw is no longer suffering and in the arms of Jesus.

Jesus...

Thu, 03 May 2012 19:32:00 -0400

Love his hate away…